Life with Baby: Getting Out of the House
The fact that becoming a parent changes one’s life is so obvious and cliché’d that it barely warrants repeating. However, repeat it we shall. Because regardless of all the ways you expect a baby to change your life, it will be more. More in all the challenging ways—more work, more crying, more fatigue, more compromise—but more in all the rewarding ways, too—more richness, more love, more adventure, more precious moments of connection.
Many people feel stir crazy in the early weeks or months at home with a new baby. You might find yourself pacing in front of the window for an hour waiting for your partner to get home from work. Is there anything that can be done to alleviate the terrible monotony?
I remember those days well—feeling marooned at home and disconnected from real life. It is a very isolating feeling.
Luckily, even though we feel utterly alone in those moments, we are far from alone in that experience. Many new parents find themselves feeling stuck, bored, and trapped during the first few weeks or months with their newborn. Here are some tips from the trenches:
· There are many, many groups for new parents in Vancouver
o La Leche League has free monthly meetings, wonderfully supportive and a great place to connect with other new parents
o The Childbearing Society offers enriching, rewarding In-Person Baby Circles. This is a 6-week series of live sessions in which we discuss a parenting topic each week. You will connect with other new parents, make life-long friends, trade tips, and gain profound insights into surviving the first years of parenthood. This is a social and supportive program.
o The Childbearing Society also has weekly Virtual Parenting Talks, online every Monday afternoon. These are by donation, and feature a guest speaker presenting on a different parenting topic each week, such as Infant Sleep, Pumping, Childcare, Massage, Introducing Solids, Pelvic Floor Recovery, and so on.
o Local Health Units host free parent/baby groups weekly, led by community health nurses
o Neighbourhood Houses & Family Centres have free daily or weekly play groups for parents and babies
o Libraries have weekly or bi-weekly story/song time for parents & babies
o Mother Goose hosts mama/baby play & song-time; Man in the Moon does the same for fathers
o Community Centres almost all have parent/baby groups that cost a small amount and require registration
o Other private organizations, such as Gymboree, some art/dance companies, offer “classes” for parents & babies
o There are many postpartum fitness groups that include bringing your baby (stroller fitness, mom/baby yoga, kanga-training, mom/baby dance, zumba…)
o There are events for you geared towards bringing your baby (Movies for Mommies, Mom’s the Word, etc)
· Connect with other new parents
o Contact the other graduates from your prenatal classes. Chances are they are feeling the same way and would love to get together for a late morning coffee. Arrange a weekly meeting time, or sign up for our In-Person Baby Circles together
o Go for walks with your pre-baby friends. Load baby into a sling or carrier and walk briskly with a friend or two. It’s a great way to get endorphins, get energized, and socialize your way back to fitness
· Don’t be afraid to take baby out with you
o It is relatively easy to take baby to restaurants & cafes when they are too young to crawl. Wearing baby places in a sling or carrier is usually easier than grappling with a stroller.
o You can go to art galleries, museums, movies, and even some plays or concerts (depends on the venue) with a baby in a sling or carrier
o You can go hiking or snow-shoeing, speed-walking, or sea-wall promenading while wearing your baby
· As soon as baby is old enough, try wearing baby on your back in a mai-tai, ergo, baby back-pack, or equivalent
o Once baby is 4 – 5 months old and be safely carried on your back, a whole new world of hands-free possibilities opens up
Beyond this list, be creative!
Talk to other parents and see what worked for them. The first step is getting out of the house and connecting with other people who understand what it’s like. The second step is figuring out how to incorporate your baby into your new life—discovering what you can still do with baby in tow, and new activities that you can enjoy together. Eventually, this will all seem easy. And eventually, your baby will be running off to enjoy his or her own independent activities, and you’ll be wondering what to do with so much free time.
Most of us embark on this journey without any real sense of its scope or magnitude. Most of us begin unprepared, fumbling our way through the very steep learning curve that never seems to end. If we knew then what we know now, would we still do it? My own answer is a resounding yes, because despite all the unpredictability and upheaval that propels us into the unknown, it is the wildest ride I could ever have imagined. The downs may be profound, but the ups are exquisite. Despite its many mundane moments, parenthood is ultimately an unparalleled adventure.
Stephanie Ondrack has been a member of the Childbearing Society since 2003.
She lives in East Van with her partner, 4 kids, 5 cats, 3 chickens, and 2 rats. You can read her thoughts on child development and learning at www.thesmallsteph.com